From Numb to Aligned
- David Barnes
- Aug 5
- 5 min read
Four Years Sober
On the 8th of August, 2021, I was drunk for the last time, the day I decided enough was enough.
But the real story started months earlier, in November 2020.
I remember standing in front of the mirror, numb and exhausted, nearly at the bottom of a large bottle of vodka, asking myself one simple but brutal question:
Is it time to give up, or get up?
That question might sound dramatic. But maybe you’ve asked something similar
“How did I even get here?”
“Why can’t I just get it together?”
“Is this really what my life’s meant to look like?”
For me, the truth was hard to ignore.
I was 19 and a half stone. Starting a divorce. Physically unwell. Emotionally disconnected. And completely stuck in a cycle of numbing, performing, and pretending I was fine.
But here’s what I want you to know,
I’d tried to change.
I’d read the books. Listened to the podcasts. Tried the tips.
Lost weight before. Quit drinking before. Built habits before.
But it never lasted.
Because I didn’t need more information.I needed a process.And I needed principles I could actually live by.
Getting Up Wasn’t One Moment
I didn’t have a dramatic breakthrough or a perfect plan.
I had a decision, and then I started building around something that felt solid and true.
I focused on five key areas of life:Self, Health, Wealth, Relationships, and Fun.
That gave me structure.
A foundation.
Something to work with when everything else felt chaotic.
As I look back now, I can see I was already being guided by a deeper set of principles. I just hadn’t named them yet.
Awareness. Authenticity. Accountability. Action. Alignment. Agility.
Back then, I couldn’t have listed them.But I was living them, through every small choice, every new habit, every uncomfortable truth, until everything changed and stuck.
It’s only now that I fully understand how those principles shaped everything.
And they’re the same ones I now use to help others rebuild.
Not just to create change, but to balance their lives in a way that actually lasts.
What’s Actually Changed in Four Years?
Since that mirror moment, here’s what’s shifted, not by chance, but by design, using the exact system I now coach others through:
I’m as functional and fit as I’ve ever been. Not just lighter (down 5.5 stone), but able to live, move, and feel better every day. That’s real health, built not through punishment, but through consistent, principle-led habits.
I’ve rebuilt key relationships. Starting with myself, and with the woman I now call my partner, my soul mate (and ex-wife). My connections with my kids and parents are stronger than ever. That’s what real presence makes possible.
I’ve changed careers. Not to escape something, but to align with something deeper. I’m building a coaching business grounded in clarity, truth, and a simple belief, others deserve to experience what I now know is possible.
I’ve found fun again. Not in big distractions, but in presence, nature, and the simple moments I used to miss. I see beauty in the small things now, in everything, in the moment.
I’ve built emotional consistency. Learning how to regulate, reset, and lead myself, even through chaos. I’m more free, fulfilled, and genuinely happy than I’ve ever been.
These shifts didn’t happen all at once.They came through structure and reflection.
This isn’t a highlight reel.
It’s a lived process.
Grounded in clarity and built to last.
In the end, I suppose it’s about what becomes possible when you stop performing and start leading yourself.
It Wasn’t About the Alcohol
For a long time, I thought alcohol was the problem.
But the truth is, it was my medicine, the thing I turned to when I didn’t know how to feel, or didn’t want to.
I used to think it worked.
But if I’m honest, it probably never really did.
It just numbed things, and eventually, it made me more sick than what I was trying to escape.
Maybe you’ve got your own version of that, something that takes the edge off, even while it quietly wears you down.
It’s easy to focus on the habit, the behaviour, the thing we can point to.
But what if that thing isn’t really the root?
What if the real issue is the disconnection underneath it?
That was the truth I had to face:
Alcohol was the symptom.
Disconnection was the root.
Letting go of alcohol wasn’t the hardest part.
It wasn’t easy, but it was just the most visible.
The real work was learning to be with myself again.
To build something solid enough that I didn’t need to escape from it.
Not just better habits, but better beliefs.Not just action, but alignment.Not just progress, but peace.
So, if you’re feeling like you’re going round in circles that don’t make sense.
If you’ve changed things on the outside but still feel off inside
If you know something’s not quite right, but can’t put your finger on it
You’re not broken.
But something probably is out of sync.
And that can be rebuilt, with honesty, with support, and in a way that actually fits who you are.
What I Do Now — And Why It Matters
Now, I guide others through this process.
Not by handing them a blueprint, but by helping them create their own version of what a good, balanced life looks like.
There’s no hype.
No pressure.
No one-size-fits-all plan.
We simplify what’s been made complicated.
We bring structure to the chaos.
We make change feel real, sustainable, and human.
It’s not about fixing people, because you’re not broken.
It’s about clearing the noise so you can finally hear yourself again.
And once you do, everything starts to shift.
Final Thought
Yes, this is a story about sobriety.
But it’s also a story about what happens when you stop hiding from yourself.
When you stop chasing motivation and start building momentum.
When you stop pretending, and finally get honest about what you really need.
For me, that real journey began over four and a half years ago, with a mirror, a decision, and a structure I didn’t even realise I was building.
Now, it’s the foundation I live by.
And the process I walk others through every day.
So if you’re in your own version of that moment, successful but disconnected, or just quietly tired of trying to figure it all out on your own
There’s another way.
Built on clarity, not chaos.
Structure, not pressure.
Small shifts that actually stick.
And one final thing I’ll say:
I’m still learning.
Still growing.
Still figuring it out like everyone else.
I’ve worked with coaches.
I’ve asked for support.
I’ve had people hold the mirror up when I couldn’t see straight.
That’s what helped me get here.
And it’s why I now do the same for others.
Whatever happens next,
I’ll keep doing the work.
And I’ll always do my best.
There’s a free balance Leader group where I share tools, prompts, and conversations that actually help. Link below.
If something in this story landed, that’s probably not by accident.
And if you’re ready to stop going in circles and build something real, I’d love to hear from you.
Thanks for reading and hope this has helped in some way.
Clarity & Leadership Coach | RX4 Founder
Comments